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Humor 15.

Hope you’re having a good evening.

There’s one anty in my area that we have become somehow close. Her name is iyabo. She’s single and in her early forties. I’ve always felt that she could dress and groom more tastefully so when she told me about one bro Kola who was showing interest in her, I decided that I will do my best for her, hopefully it will lead to a marriage.

So on her first date I got her a decent but nice looking dress. I also paid for her to have a session at a make up studio down the street. An hour to the date, she left for the studio and I wished her the best of the evening. It sure felt good to look out and share in another’s happiness.

15 minutes later I heard a loud bang on the door. Anty Iyabo stormed in. She looked angry.

Me: Kilo sele, kilode? What happened?
Anty Iyabo: Na dat make up artist o. She wan destroy my future.
Me: Destroy your future keh? Ba wo? How?
Anty Iyabo: hmmm. (She slaps her hands) When I got to the shop, she greeted me and told me to sit down. She used her hands to raise my head up and said ‘anty, this is a lot of work but don’t worry, I will give you a thorough facebeat.’

‘Facebeat keh, ba wo? Did I steal your boyfriend ni that you want to beat my face? ‘
She did not even answer me. She was just smiling. Before i knew it, she brought out new razor blade, sharp one. She said ‘I will start with your brows’.

‘Mogbe! I’m in trouble. Razor blade on my eyebrow. She wants to spoil my face on my day of joy. I just stood up and ran away. Alakoba somebody(someone who can put another in trouble).

I sigh.

Me: Is that all?

Anty Iyabo: Why are you saying is that all. Is that not bad enough?

Me: I laugh. ‘Anty Iyabo, what do you think they do at a make-up studio? I was the one who insisted on a thorough facebeat for you.’

Anty Iyabo: Ah! You. Aye ma ni ka o(This world is wicked). You of all people. You that know how I have been waiting for husband. You gang up with make-up artist to beat my face. Make I resemble somebody wey go thief phone for computer village. Ah, you are a bad friend.

Me: Anty Iyabo, I don’t mean any harm. Let me explain to you. A facebeat is not a bad thing…

Anty Iyabo: Leave me joor. Who does not know what it means to beat something. I don’t need your explanation. Let me go and rub my white powder and use lip balm jeje. I’m even angry and when I’m angry I no dey fine. Abi make I cancel the date with bro Kola? Even this dress sef make me resemble small geh(girl). I will change it to iro and buba(traditional blouse and wrapper worn by the Yoruba people).
Face beat ko, facebeat ni.

I sigh.

I don’t know the part of minding one’s business I missed.

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